So, why ARE we overweight?
We’re overweight because we keep overeating. (Ugh, how my heart hates hearing that)
When we stop overeating and we eat only what our body needs, then our body will go down to its natural weight, which is a lot less than we allow ourselves to think.
I HATE ARGUING WITH THE TRUTH
Now, my work focuses heavily on the most important piece to weight loss: the mental plan.
As much as I understand about nutrition and exercise, I needed my brain to piece it all together so that it would work. This is where I started:
We never go on a diet until we DECIDE to, which is a choice that came from our brain. In fact, everything in our life has been created because of a choice we’ve made.
It really ALL comes down to the thoughts we have and what we think about the circumstances in our life. And this is where a huge distinction must be made in order for you to understand why it’s not the diet or anyone else that is the reason why you’re overweight; this is where you can gain the power and knowledge you need in order to create what you truly want in life for yourself.
We tend to blame the diet we’re on as the reason we’re overweight or that we’re no longer losing weight. Or, if you’re like me, you blamed the Navy for making you move and making you stand watch, making you drill, and making you put on steel toe boots when you’re tired and sore.
When I was stationed in Pearl Harbor, I would see the watch bill from when I was standing watch for a year and I was nearly always on watch during a major holiday. I was on a diet then, of course, so I would blame the diet for not being easier because, when I’d get home I would snack on food that was off my nutrition plan because I was so angry that I was going to miss Independence Day with my husband and friends. Don’t forget, this was also the first time my husband were living together, so I was so upset that I was going to miss a holiday with him after we had missed dozens of holidays together before because the majority of our courtship had been apart and long distance. But I was HOME with him now and STILL missing out on fun events like holidays! It just wasn’t fair! Bring on the jar pf peanut butter and a spoon, but a small spoon… I didn’t want to go overboard.
I blamed the diet for being too hard to follow and then I blamed the Navy for contributing to an unhappy marriage because of my watch schedule. I was gaining weight and I was always feeling out of control because I was trying to control things that I simply could not control. I was soon introduced to Life Coaching and the model I now teach and then my life changed forever. I am much happier now.
The first thing I learned was that there will always be circumstances in my life that I cannot control. Trying to control circumstances is like trying to grab a handful of fire – it’s impossible and you’re left burned and wasting time nursing your wounds back to health. But I kept doing this over and over and, eventually, I foresaw depression in my future because all I could see what me getting burned every time I tried to preempt or control certain things.
A circumstance is something in our life that is simply a fact and completely neutral. Something everyone can agree on and that cannot be changed.
I like to tell my clients that the weather is a circumstance in our life. You can’t control the temperature outside. Other people and our past are also circumstances in our life. What someone said, either to you or about you or about themselves, is another circumstance – everyone heard what they said and it’s done.
Our diet, which is that piece of paper we printed out or the email we got from a fitness website or whatever, is simply a piece of information. A diet is neutral. It’s words that are printed in a list or subjects with different foods listed.
The watchbill that I would get every month was also a circumstance in my life. It was just a piece of paper with my name on it under certain days of the week. I would get angry at that watchbill EVERY single time, so I attributed the watchbill (and the person who wrote it, lol) as a source or pain. Same with the diet I would print out every month – it always left me feeling deprived and unhappy.
But it’s never, ever the circumstances in your life that make you feel anything. It’s always, 100% every time, your thoughts about each circumstance that determines how you will feel.
WHY WE DO ANYTHING IN LIFE
When I understood this next piece, I fell in shock and happiness because it answered everything for me. I couldn’t un-see it in my life after hearing it:
Everything we do in life is based on how we think it’s going to make us feel.
There is science to back this up, not to mention every experience we’ve had growing up that got us to where we are today.
Circumstances, like the weather, are the same for everyone. What each person thinks about the circumstance, however, is where things change. For example, I think the 49 degree weather outside is cold, but to someone else say, from Alaska, they think that temperature is warm. Same temperature, 49 degrees, but our thoughts, or opinions, are different.
My diet, for example, may have been the same for someone else who printed it out, but whereas I thought the diet left me feeling deprived and unhappy, another person could have thought something completely differently. They might have been beyond happy to get chicken, rice and broccoli because they absolutely love chicken. Someone on my watch team would not have felt anger or resentment towards the watchbill because they like having a set schedule no matter what the schedule looks like.
You see, we always have an opinion on the circumstances in our life. And the most important thing to realize is that our thoughts, which are opinions, are completely optional. They are our own thoughts and we can think whatever we want. Especially because our thoughts always determine how we will feel. How YOU will feel – not anyone else.
We all have our own thoughts that create our own feelings. A thought begins in our brain and a rush of chemicals is created that courses through our body. We experience those chemicals as FEELINGS. That’s how we experience every single moment in our life.
When we feel cold because it’s 49 degrees outside, our brain thinks it’s “cold” and all our memories and recognitions of what we made cold mean to us in the past course through our body and makes us shiver. Our skin gathers into goosebumps, a rush of cold brushes our scalp, and we grit our teeth. At least, that’s how I feel and experience “cold.”
So, when it comes to weight loss, or to the watchbill, or to your upcoming workout, or whatever… what are you feeling about it? What feelings come up when you look at the diet you printed out?
When you can name that feeling, then you can ask yourself, “What am I thinking that is making me feel this way?” Your thoughts will always, always, ALWAYS create your feelings.
Facts in life never create your feelings. Your thoughts about circumstances do. Every time.
So, ask yourself what you’re feeling and then you’ll find out what you’re thinking about your diet. If you’re not feeling good because you have negative thoughts about your diet, then ask yourself why. That is such an important question to always ask ourselves. Ask yourself why you’re feeling deprived or angry when you think about your diet.
Then, ask yourself how you want to feel.
If you want to feel comfortable, content, and satiated, for example, then you can ask yourself, “What would I have to think in order to feel that way?” That’s the secret. Knowing you have the power at any time and at all times to choose how you want to think and, therefore, feel about anything in your life is what will get you moving to make that desire possible.
I used to feel so deprived from my thoughts about my diet. Deprivation felt so terrible and hollow inside me that I would binge to the point of physical pain in order to “fill” that emptiness I felt.
When I realized that I could view my diet as something other than a “fun-killer,” my feelings and actions began to change. I would look at my printed-out diet plan and I would ask myself what I really want to think of it instead. Why did I go on this diet in the first place? What can I create for myself if I see this all the way through? How do I want to feel about the changes I want to make?
Ask yourself good questions and remember that you can think anything you want. That is your right as a human being on this planet. You don’t have to stay stuck in recycled thoughts that aren’t getting you the results you want. Change your thoughts so that you’ll feel differently. This will begin to make a huge difference for you when you see how much power you have in your own life.
EAT HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE
The focus behind my work is to get you to your natural body weight by eating only what your body needs. I like to go beyond, however, and teach you how to get as lean as you want in the healthiest way mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Initially, I don’t give you a nutrition or workout plan because you need to know what your body needs specifically. There’s only one way to do that, and that is by eating in a way that you want to eat for the rest of your life while knowing how to work through the emotions and thoughts that come up when you want to eat something that won’t help your weight loss.
That’s where I come in, and I love being in that zone. It will never matter what diet you go on if you don’t know how to manage your thoughts and emotions.
Learning how to manage your thoughts and emotions now is the way to ensure you don’t diet for the rest of your life.
It can be done. You can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to decide and commit and know that you’ll be perfectly ok.
Don’t give up on your body and your dreams, my dear friend. Believe you can do it. I believe in you.
Undoing Urges Mini-Course <<<—- free and extremely helpful resource on Urges, Hunger, and Habits
Curious about what it’s like to have a true mental plan around your food urges (so that your nutrition and exercise plans aren’t such a struggle to follow)? Click on this link and we’ll talk about it to see how I can help you finally reach and keep the body you see yourself living in.