Diet Thoughts

weight loss

So, why ARE we overweight?  

We’re overweight because we keep overeating.  (Ugh, how my heart hates hearing that)

When we stop overeating and we eat only what our body needs, then our body will go down to its natural weight, which is a lot less than we allow ourselves to think.

I HATE ARGUING WITH THE TRUTH

Now, my work focuses heavily on the most important piece to weight loss: the mental plan.  

As much as I understand about nutrition and exercise, I needed my brain to piece it all together so that it would work.  This is where I started:

We never go on a diet until we DECIDE to, which is a choice that came from our brain.  In fact, everything in our life has been created because of a choice we’ve made.  

It really ALL comes down to the thoughts we have and what we think about the circumstances in our life.  And this is where a huge distinction must be made in order for you to understand why it’s not the diet or anyone else that is the reason why you’re overweight; this is where you can gain the power and knowledge you need in order to create what you truly want in life for yourself.

We tend to blame the diet we’re on as the reason we’re overweight or that we’re no longer losing weight.  Or, if you’re like me, you blamed the Navy for making you move and making you stand watch, making you drill, and making you put on steel toe boots when you’re tired and sore. 

When I was stationed in Pearl Harbor, I would see the watch bill from when I was standing watch for a year and I was nearly always on watch during a major holiday.  I was on a diet then, of course, so I would blame the diet for not being easier because, when I’d get home I would snack on food that was off my nutrition plan because I was so angry that I was going to miss Independence Day with my husband and friends.  Don’t forget, this was also the first time my husband were living together, so I was so upset that I was going to miss a holiday with him after we had missed dozens of holidays together before because the majority of our courtship had been apart and long distance.  But I was HOME with him now and STILL missing out on fun events like holidays!  It just wasn’t fair!  Bring on the jar pf peanut butter and a spoon, but a small spoon… I didn’t want to go overboard.

I blamed the diet for being too hard to follow and then I blamed the Navy for contributing to an unhappy marriage because of my watch schedule.  I was gaining weight and I was always feeling out of control because I was trying to control things that I simply could not control.  I was soon introduced to Life Coaching and the model I now teach and then my life changed forever.  I am much happier now.

TAKING OWNERSHIP

The first thing I learned was that there will always be circumstances in my life that I cannot control.  Trying to control circumstances is like trying to grab a handful of fire – it’s impossible and you’re left burned and wasting time nursing your wounds back to health.  But I kept doing this over and over and, eventually, I foresaw depression in my future because all I could see what me getting burned every time I tried to preempt or control certain things.

A circumstance is something in our life that is simply a fact and completely neutral.  Something everyone can agree on and that cannot be changed. 

I like to tell my clients that the weather is a circumstance in our life.  You can’t control the temperature outside.  Other people and our past are also circumstances in our life.  What someone said, either to you or about you or about themselves, is another circumstance – everyone heard what they said and it’s done.

Our diet, which is that piece of paper we printed out or the email we got from a fitness website or whatever, is simply a piece of information.  A diet is neutral.  It’s words that are printed in a list or subjects with different foods listed.  

The watchbill that I would get every month was also a circumstance in my life.  It was just a piece of paper with my name on it under certain days of the week.  I would get angry at that watchbill EVERY single time, so I attributed the watchbill (and the person who wrote it, lol) as a source or pain.  Same with the diet I would print out every month – it always left me feeling deprived and unhappy. 

But it’s never, ever the circumstances in your life that make you feel anything.  It’s always, 100% every time, your thoughts about each circumstance that determines how you will feel.

WHY WE DO ANYTHING IN LIFE 

When I understood this next piece, I fell in shock and happiness because it answered everything for me.  I couldn’t un-see it in my life after hearing it:

Everything we do in life is based on how we think it’s going to make us feel.

There is science to back this up, not to mention every experience we’ve had growing up that got us to where we are today.

Circumstances, like the weather, are the same for everyone.  What each person thinks about the circumstance, however, is where things change.  For example, I think the 49 degree weather outside is cold, but to someone else say, from Alaska, they think that temperature is warm.  Same temperature, 49 degrees, but our thoughts, or opinions, are different. 

My diet, for example, may have been the same for someone else who printed it out, but whereas I thought the diet left me feeling deprived and unhappy, another person could have thought something completely differently.  They might have been beyond happy to get chicken, rice and broccoli because they absolutely love chicken.  Someone on my watch team would not have felt anger or resentment towards the watchbill because they like having a set schedule no matter what the schedule looks like. 

You see, we always have an opinion on the circumstances in our life.  And the most important thing to realize is that our thoughts, which are opinions, are completely optional.  They are our own thoughts and we can think whatever we want.  Especially because our thoughts always determine how we will feel.  How YOU will feel – not anyone else. 

We all have our own thoughts that create our own feelings.  A thought begins in our brain and a rush of chemicals is created that courses through our body.  We experience those chemicals as FEELINGS.  That’s how we experience every single moment in our life. 

When we feel cold because it’s 49 degrees outside, our brain thinks it’s “cold” and all our memories and recognitions of what we made cold mean to us in the past course through our body and makes us shiver.  Our skin gathers into goosebumps, a rush of cold brushes our scalp, and we grit our teeth.  At least, that’s how I feel and experience “cold.” 

So, when it comes to weight loss, or to the watchbill, or to your upcoming workout, or whatever… what are you feeling about it?  What feelings come up when you look at the diet you printed out? 

When you can name that feeling, then you can ask yourself, “What am I thinking that is making me feel this way?”  Your thoughts will always, always, ALWAYS create your feelings 

Facts in life never create your feelings.  Your thoughts about circumstances do.  Every time. 

So, ask yourself what you’re feeling and then you’ll find out what you’re thinking about your diet.  If you’re not feeling good because you have negative thoughts about your diet, then ask yourself why.  That is such an important question to always ask ourselves.  Ask yourself why you’re feeling deprived or angry when you think about your diet. 

Then, ask yourself how you want to feel. 

If you want to feel comfortable, content, and satiated, for example, then you can ask yourself, “What would I have to think in order to feel that way?”  That’s the secret.  Knowing you have the power at any time and at all times to choose how you want to think and, therefore, feel about anything in your life is what will get you moving to make that desire possible.

I used to feel so deprived from my thoughts about my diet.  Deprivation felt so terrible and hollow inside me that I would binge to the point of physical pain in order to “fill” that emptiness I felt. 

When I realized that I could view my diet as something other than a “fun-killer,” my feelings and actions began to change.  I would look at my printed-out diet plan and I would ask myself what I really want to think of it instead.  Why did I go on this diet in the first place?  What can I create for myself if I see this all the way through?  How do I want to feel about the changes I want to make?

Ask yourself good questions and remember that you can think anything you want.  That is your right as a human being on this planet.  You don’t have to stay stuck in recycled thoughts that aren’t getting you the results you want.  Change your thoughts so that you’ll feel differently.  This will begin to make a huge difference for you when you see how much power you have in your own life.

EAT HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE

The focus behind my work is to get you to your natural body weight by eating only what your body needs.  I like to go beyond, however, and teach you how to get as lean as you want in the healthiest way mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

Initially, I don’t give you a nutrition or workout plan because you need to know what your body needs specifically.  There’s only one way to do that, and that is by eating in a way that you want to eat for the rest of your life while knowing how to work through the emotions and thoughts that come up when you want to eat something that won’t help your weight loss. 

That’s where I come in, and I love being in that zone.  It will never matter what diet you go on if you don’t know how to manage your thoughts and emotions. 

Learning how to manage your thoughts and emotions now is the way to ensure you don’t diet for the rest of your life. 

It can be done.  You can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to decide and commit and know that you’ll be perfectly ok.

Don’t give up on your body and your dreams, my dear friend.  Believe you can do it.  I believe in you. 

~ Nicole

HELPFUL RESOURCES:

Undoing Urges Mini-Course <<<—- free and extremely helpful resource on Urges, Hunger, and Habits

Curious about what it’s like to have a true mental plan around your food urges (so that your nutrition and exercise plans aren’t such a struggle to follow)? Click on this link and we’ll talk about it to see how I can help you finally reach and keep the body you see yourself living in.

This Is What I Know

This is what I want to say…

I want to be fit and lean while being in control. Always.

Getting fit and lean isn’t the hard part.  Being in control is.

But first, why is this such a big goal of mine?  Why am I so centered on being in control of the shape of my body?

I’ll go into the answer a lot more deeply in a later blog post, but for now, all I need to say is I want to do this because I know it’s possible and, to me, it signifies a level of accomplishment that tastes sweeter than anything I can imagine right now.  And I have a vivid imagination, so I’ve explored where else I could direct my eagerness and desire, BELIEVE me!  Any other venture would be easier compared to what I have my sight set on for my body and my mental wellbeing.

I’ve always been drawn to the human body and how each body can be so different.  What’s most fascinating to me is that our physical bodies aren’t that different chemically and biomechanically, even from other species… but what we do with our bodies is extremely unique.  

And I want to see how unique I am.  

Not by being different from other people, but by achieving what I believe my body is capable of.  That’s on me, not on anyone else.  

EVERYTHING I have learned in the past decade about health, physiology, and neuroscience has convinced me of a couple of simple truths:

  1. Your body will literally shape itself by following your decisions.
  2. Your brain has the capacity to control anything it wants to visualize.

You are in control of the images you visualize. 

You get good at what you practice.

Here’s what I was getting good at before I nearly killed myself:

  • I was good at over-exercising.
  • I was good at undereating.
  • I was good at bingeing and rationalizing (“I’ll do more cardio next week”).
  • I was good at denying how much pain I was in.
  • I was good at convincing myself that being in pain and confused meant I earned my body… and that others who weren’t in an equal or similar amount of pain meant they didn’t want it badly enough.
  • I was very good at judging myself for how badly I wanted (or didn’t want) my body goals. 

“Nearly killed myself” seems too strong, but it felt true.  And I know there are others out there who feel the same way I used to. 

Things weren’t making sense to me, so I started questioning and seeking.

What I was doing wasn’t working.  I was following a meal plan, I was following a workout plan (lifting weights and cardio), I was having cheat meals on the weekends, which turned into cheat days, sometimes whole cheat weekends.  I was making time to get my workouts in and making time to prep my meals.  I was doing everything by the book and then taking some time to de-stress on the weekends by eating whatever I wanted.  I thought this was normal, allowed, expected, and okay.

Thanks to the Internet and to my curiosity, I started to dive into the science and latest research on nutrition and the human body.  I noticed other people were achieving the same success, if not better success, than I was when it came to the weight and figure I was aiming for.  What intrigued me the most was that it seemed that being flexible in your eating approach (what is commonly known as flexible dieting) was just as promising of success as following a strict meal plan.

But… BUT! Even the people who were flexible with their food choices in their diet STILL had eating behaviors that looked like mine.

They would follow their plan during the week, then go out to dinner on the weekend, or brunch, and eat until they felt so guilty that they would beat themselves up by doing more cardio during the week.  

I was confused.

Which method was the best?  

And then I got mad because the more I read about other diet approaches, the more I realized that there is NO diet or way of eating that will create the results I really wanted.  

The results I wanted were to be lean and athletic and wear a sports bra and tiny shorts while hiking with my husband in the summer.  I wanted to go on runs with him without jiggling all over my body, from my neck down to the back of my knees… because I wanted to run in front of him because I was faster than him.

What I imagined was possible was exhilarating, and I was terrified that these images would only remain in my mind.

So, I faced the hard truth and asked the hard question…

The hard truth was this: I was the common denominator behind my successes and my setbacks.

I didn’t know how to get out of it.

And the first hard question was, “Who can help me?”

That was the only hard question directed toward someone else.  Every hard question after that I directed inward toward me since I was the only one, the only denominator, that could create what I had visualized in my mind.  

Now, this might be easy and obvious for many, many people, but it sure as heck wasn’t for me.  But I’m so glad I went down this road because it got me out of the hell I was in and it helped make it easy to help others.  I now ask them the hard questions… and teach them how to ask themselves hard questions… because it’s the way I made it through.  

And that’s the thing…. The only way to get what you want is through.

Enter neuroscience – and cognitive behavior therapy, positive psychology, and life coaching (specifically from my mentor, friend, and guardian angel, Martha Ayim).

Remember when I said that “Getting fit and lean isn’t the hard part.  Being in control is”?

I had been exercising every muscle in my body except for the most important one: my brain.  

Technically, your brain is an organ, but when you exercise it, you can physically change it.  The neural pathways in your brain can physically be undone and new ones can be built that create new patterns, or habits.  I am so going to get into ALL of this later, I promise, because it’s so fascinating to me. 

And that was the missing piece I needed to be in control… to literally, physically, create the images I was seeing in my brain into a reality I would experience.  

And it was – and still is – HARD.  But the hard got easier, and new “hards” are now expected, not surprising or shocking.  

Control wasn’t about controlling what was outside of me like I had been doing, like trying to control the meal plan I was eating from, or the type of workouts I was doing, or controlling what events or dinners I would attend with my husband or friends.  

Control was about controlling what I was believing about what I would see outside of me.  Then, by being in control of what I was believing, I was more in control of how I was feeling, and that literally changed the shape of my brain.  It changed the shape of my body, too, but that was automatic and almost effortless.  

Like I said, it’s true… Your body will literally shape itself by following your decisions.

What you choose to believe is a decision.

What you choose to believe is an image in your mind.

You control what you choose, and what you’ve chosen in your mind, will reflect in your body.

It took me many, many months to:

  1. Learn this intellectually.
  2. To witness it playing out in real time (to my body’s dismay).
  3. To question it ALL.
  4. To be willing to try what I wanted to believe even though I had very little evidence to prove that my way was at least a right way.
  5. To be willing to try, only to not make it, then be willing to try again… over and over and over again.  
  6. To trust myself to count the small wins as quickly as I was counting my failures.
  7. To trust and fully believe that the images I was visualizing could be made possible.

I have such a deep respect for the human brain, for the human body, and for the power of direction.

I firmly believe that the trifecta to optimal health is:

  1. Using your brain with purpose (not letting it run on its default programming)
  2. Wholesome nutrition
  3. Exercise  

To me, optimal health means feeling and being fit. Like, deciding to go on a hike and planning how much water you’ll need to take instead of planning how long you won’t last before you run out of breath.  

Now, looking fit, lean and athletic is a supportive, compelling reason to complement the goal of optimal health.  I’m pursuing that, too, and I want others to know they can believe that looking fit, lean and athletic can be true for them as well.

Also, I think inspiration goes a lot farther than we give it credit for.

What inspires me to pursue this seemingly impossible goal of being fit and lean for the rest of my life (cellulite-free, might I add?) is the goal that one of my mentors set for herself.

Brooke Castillo, my coach instructor and industry leader, has a goal to earn $100 million dollars per year in 10 years.  As of right now, that’s an impossibility for life coaches.  Except, within two years, she’s already $27 million dollars in.

She’s believing in her vision and following through on it.  And if she can do something impossible like that, then why can’t I do something as equally “impossible”?  

Well, I can.  And I am.

I want to achieve a “$100 million dollar” body.  To me, for some reason, this is a much easier goal to achieve than $100 million actual dollars in my bank account.  I know how to achieve this goal because I understand the human body and nutrition extremely well.

But the brain piece… the part where you are in control of how you achieve the outcome… is where the real work lies.

Intellectually, I understand how the brain works.  Putting what I know into action takes a little more effort.  I want to make the images I see in my mind my reality.  And I want to help others do the same for the images they see in their mind.

If it’s possible, and it feels amazing, why not do it?  

You can call me vain… I used to call myself that for years.  But I think vain is a misinterpreted word sometimes, it just depends on how you use it.  I used to use I incorrectly.

I believe that being vain means exactly what Google says it means: having or showing an excessively high opinion of one’s appearance, abilities, or worth.

I want to have a very high opinion of my appearance, abilities, and worth.  Do you know why?  Because it ties closely to leadership. 

Having a high opinion of yourself means you believe in what you’re capable of.  And when your abilities (what you’re capable of) are directed toward something that can help others, then you’re leading the way.

You serve, as leaders do, as inspiration of what’s possible.

And I’m dying to see what I’m capable of because it will enable me to help others do the same for themselves.  

I hope you’ll stick with me on this journey.  I’m going to connect the nutrition and the physiology with the mental, or cognitive, component to our body goals, which is what’s missing from EVERY diet plan you could possibly find.  Because it’s YOUR plan… because it’s YOUR body.  And also, how incredible would it be if more and more of us felt physically, emotionally, and mentally amazing more than we do now?  

Not by denying realities, such as death, disease, and destruction (like the devastating Australian bushfires), but by choosing to believe, on purpose, and pursue what is possible for each one of us in this world and in our lifetime.

It’s seems like a huge task to take on, but when you take it on just one day at a time, it ends up happening.

Understanding Overeating

"As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison."

Nelson Mandela

Last week, I went into depth about “over-hunger,” what it is, and how to understand it (it was a Facebook Live episode called “The Problem of Over-hunger“).  It was the first of three episodes where I’m going deeper into revealing how over-hunger and over-desire are exactly what lead to overeating (which leads to weight gain) and how to solve for them.  So, let’s get right back to understanding what’s going on in our body and what tools you can use to start helping yourself end your overeating.

Last week, we talked about the Hunger Scale and the Four Types of Eating.  The Hunger Scale is so essential to understand what your specific body needs for fuel and when.  Believe me, I had the HARDEST TIME thinking my body had a diet of its own that it preferred because I was so scared that, if I paid attention to what my body needed, then my urges and cravings would get too strong and they would override physical, legitimate hunger.  But when I went on the Hunger Scale, I realized some key things:

1.) Some of the foods I was eating that were on the diet I was following were not kind to my body.  They caused bloat and discomfort but I ate those foods because that’s what the diet said I should eat.  Of course, I learned that no one can make me eat anything, just like no one can make you eat anything, and taking responsibility for thoughts like that was an important first step.

2.) I wasn’t hungry all day, so my worry about eating all the time and having urges 24/7 were not real.

Here’s the most fun thing I learned about myself when I started eating based on my hunger scale.  I really like breakfast, I nibble on things like apples throughout “lunch” time, and then I love a warm dinner salad with a colorful variety of veggies, lean meat, and fun fats like avocado and dressings or, my favorite, soups or stews packed with vegetables and color.  The thing is… This is EXACTLY how my MOTHER EATS!  I didn’t make the connection until about a few weeks into eating normally.  I love that I share this eating trait with my mother, I felt like it brought us closer even though I actually haven’t told her this yet.  I’m going to be spending some time with her this fall in her log cabin in Utah and I think we’re going to have some of the best times we’ve ever had together.  We’ll wake up, feed the dog, share a great breakfast and wake up with coffee, working in the garden and finishing up projects she has going on throughout the day, and then making a delicious dinner and going to bed and doing it all over again the next day.  Having days like that with my mother will be some of my most cherished memories.

Before, if I was still following a diet, then I would have spent my day in a mood, thinking about when the next time to eat was, why I couldn’t just eat something right now, why I had to eat more protein than carbs or fats, and so on and so on… that diet and food chatter that consumes so much mental energy.  Now, my mental energy goes towards creating amazing memories and soaking up the sound of my mom’s laugh and remembering how good she is at choosing the right words to describe the abundant animal and plant life that abounds around her cabin.  All of that tastes better and feels better than any food or any amount of food.

So, the hunger scale… I highly encourage you to use it for yourself and see the lessons that can be learned from the successes you get.

 

Let the Hunger Scale Introduce How to Manage Your Feelings

Here’s another important thing you learn while applying the hunger scale… You learn to manage your feelings because when you start understanding your hunger and not eating when you’re not hungry, then you’re left with urges, and that is the hardest work but also the most important, not just for learning how to solve for over-hunger but how to stop overeating.

The way to stop overeating is to develop the skill-set of allowing urges without reacting, avoiding or responding to them and just letting them be there.  We are taught to always give in to urges and to avoid them because then we become someone we’re not, which is extremely untrue.

Learning how to cope with all of your emotions, not just allowing urges, is what keeps the weight off because it means no emotion will surprise you – you’ll trust yourself and know how to handle yourself when something, anything, comes up unexpectedly.  Urges are amazing because they are just signals that are asking you – urgently – to go back to doing things that you’re familiar with, like nibbling when you’re bored or popping a few M&Ms into your mouth when you’re nervous.  You feel urges in other areas of your life, like giving in to the urge of avoiding checking your savings account so you don’t feel scared or irresponsible about how much you do or don’t have, or giving in to the urge of avoiding and putting off having an awkward discussion with your husband, or the urge to procrastinate or be lazy. That’s what I love about working with weight loss, specifically, because I learned and now help my clients focus on their dreams of the ideal weight they want and the activities and things they’ll be doing with that new body.  Handling their urges around food makes it so much easier to notice and understand urges when they come up elsewhere and how to manage their way through them.  By learning how to do this, they stay on track towards that dream, hence making it more possible and gaining more confidence the more they allow their emotions.

 

Exercise

I like to add exercise with my clients because we have to in order to pass our fitness tests.  But I never tell them to use exercise as a way to lose weight.  I encourage only exercise that is fun and it’s movement they want to do.  There is joy in moving our body, and we’ll be more encouraged to do it if we love how we feel, so I encourage exercise that puts a smile on their face because you can begin to teach yourself to wear that smile and enjoy the movements no matter what kind of exercising you’re doing.

Some of my clients are resistant to working out because it doesn’t bring them joy, but I tell them that the joy doesn’t come from the workout or the lack of the workout – it comes from what you’re thinking about the workout.  And when you compare your workout and tell yourself that you didn’t do enough, then you keep removing joy you could be feeling.

I always recommend a minimum baseline, or the minimum that they want and desire to do so that they start looking forward to it later.  It’s the same process for the fitness tests.  I’m going to do an entire episode on how to re-frame your thinking around the fitness test so that you aren’t resenting it and are, instead, being curious about it and the possibilities it affords you.  So many men and women resent their time serving in the military because of the fitness tests, yet miss having the accountability and structure when they get out because suddenly, they’re gaining weight.  It all comes down to how you’re choosing to think about the tests and you are allowed to think about them with interest and possibility rather than with resentment or disdain.  By thinking of them with a more positive approach, then the chances of you actually preparing for them and PASSING them are much more likely and, eventually, they stop being a problem for you because they’re just a normal part of your work, like wearing a cover outdoors or saluting higher ranking officers.  It’s just what you do, no drama or mental chatter/justification about it.

 

Judging Your Past Negatively is Negative Self-Talk

The most important tool I teach when learning how to solve for over-hunger and over-desire is that you must stop judging yourself.  This work can take a while for some, and I’ve noticed it’s especially hard to overcome in the military because we’re always comparing ourselves.

Not only is comparison the thief of joy, but when you are comparing yourself to, say, people who have landed on grenades to save the lives of 10 people, how can you ever win?  You are comparing yourself to dead people and saying you’re not good enough, which is a belief that can trickle down into our work, into our families, into our mental health, into our own personal development, and of course into our weight.

We feel terrible when we think we’re not good enough and we see evidence for it all around us in traditions, in sea stories, in history lessons, in current casualties, in statistics and reports.  Now, the problem isn’t that traditions exist and that casualties are a reality of life, not just in the military.  It’s when we think about how not good enough we are by comparing ourselves to them is where the problem is.  I plan on doing an entire episode just on traditions because they fascinate me, but traditions are simply other people’s past and they serve as lessons or information that we can use to help us understand what we’re currently doing or facing.  That’s all.  But using traditions to define what you do and if you’re good enough, is not the point to traditions, in my opinion.  You have to stop judging yourself and, at the same time, take responsibility for your thoughts, for your feelings, and for your actions because that’s the only way you’re going to create the results you want in your life – while you’re serving our country and after when you get out and begin a new chapter in your life.

So, here’s a question I ask of you because it’s one that I asked myself many times when I decided to take full control of my weight and my life.

What’s the point of using all of these tools, especially when it takes so much effort to make a change?  Is this discomfort worth the result you want?  That’s one of the best questions you can ask yourself with anything you’re doing.  Really pay attention to the answer, too.

For me, when I thought about the fact that I could still be bingeing in one year, I almost punched myself in the face.  I was going to be so mad at myself if I was still bingeing a year later because I was in so much pain now that it was hard for me to imagine being in even more pain, but I knew it was a real possibility if I didn’t decide to do something about it now.  Actually, to me, what was worse than more pain was giving up and accepting my current pain as a normal state of being.  So, I decided to change.  I showed up, did the work, and now I’m free from bingeing and overeating and I’m living life thinking about how to serve my military clients and you instead of constantly worrying about how I would feel with or without food.  I am living the life I have wished and prayed about for years.

It starts with literally changing your mind.  It’s hard, otherwise everyone would be living their dream life and no one would have any problems, right?

Change the neural pathway in your head.  Start telling your brain what to think rather than your brain telling you to repeat what it knows how to do.

Until next week, ladies… BE the leader you want to become.  BELIEVE it!

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be coached by a woman who’s been in your military shoes and suffered from weight pain (overweight or at normal weight but still not thinking I was good enough – or a good enough leader), then let’s schedule a time to talk.  Weight pain can be debilitating in more areas than just our physical body, so overcoming it can open up freedom in other areas of your life that you didn’t even know were being affected by the constant calculations, negotiations and judgments that go on in your head about food and your behaviors around food.  CLICK HERE to schedule a call with me so that I can hear what you are going through and how I can help you get out of it.  I can’t wait to talk with you and hear your story.

Watch Bills & Weight Loss

Good morning ladies!

The weekend is nearly here and there is so much we can do to
stay on track. If you’re on a weight loss journey, then keep reading. In fact,
this note in particular will cover what I spoke about at my FB Live from
Tuesday this week, which you can find here:

THIS IS HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF ~ Episode #2 ~ Weight Loss for Military Women

When it comes to weight loss or to the watchbill or to your upcoming advancement exam or whatever… what are you feeling about them? What feelings come up when you look at the diet you printed out? .When you can name that feeling, then you can ask yourself what you’re thinking. Your thoughts will always, always, ALWAYS create your feelings. Facts in life never create your feelings. Your thoughts about circumstances do. Every time. So ask yourself what you’re feeling and then you’ll find out what you’re thinking about your diet. .If you're feeling deprived, then why? It's not your diet making you feel that way, it's what you're making the entire diet mean to you…

Posted by Nicole Terwey Coaching on Tuesday, January 8, 2019

I introduce myself a bit more so that you can get to know
why I’m doing what I’m doing and my desire for pursuing this work and helping
you, my military sisters, with your weight loss efforts. I’ll also talk about
why it’s not your diet or anything else that is causing you to feel like you
can’t lose the weight.

I got out of the Navy and started this business to help
military women lose weight and keep it off so that you would never have to
worry about it again, not when you’re standing watch and worrying about other
countries wanting to impose chaos and harm on us. Our weight shouldn’t be
distracting us from not only our work, but our life outside of work, and our
weight and food shouldn’t be a source of stress in our life.

And it doesn’t have to be.

That is what I teach and what I aim to resolve for all of my
military sisters. And these women include those who are still in active duty
and deployed or at home, those who are in the National Guard/Retired/Reserves
(like me) and military spouses because, let’s be honest, you are basically in
the military if you’re a spouse – you just don’t wear a uniform or perform your
husband’s or wife’s specific job, but you still live the lifestyle.

I’m going to be doing FB Lives every week, mostly on
Tuesdays unless I’m physically unable to, and I’ll get into the reason why we’re
overeating and what to do about it in the military – on and off duty, when
you’re in uniform and when you’re not.

So, why ARE we overweight? We’re overweight because we keep
overeating. When we stop overeating and we eat only what our body needs, then
our body will go down to its natural weight, which is a lot less than we allow
ourselves to think.

Now, my work focuses heavily on the most important piece to
weight loss: the mental plan. We never go on a diet until we DECIDE to, which
is a choice that came from our brain. In fact, everything in our life has been
created because of a choice we’ve made. It really all comes down to the
thoughts we have and what we think about the circumstances in our life. And
this is where a huge distinction must be made in order for you to understand
why it’s not the diet or anyone else that is reason why you’re overweight and
where you can gain the power and knowledge you need in order to create what you
truly want in life for yourself.

We tend to blame the diet we’re on as the reason we’re
overweight or that we’re no longer losing weight. Or, if you’re like me, you
blamed the Navy for making you move and making you stand watch and making you
drill and making you put on steel toe boots when you’re tired and sore. When I
was at PACOM JIOC in Pearl Harbor, I would see the watch bill from when I was
standing watch for a year and I was nearly always on watch during a major
holiday. I was on a diet then, of course, so I would blame the diet for not
being easier because, when I’d get home I would snack on food that was off my
nutrition plan because I was so angry that I was going to miss Independence Day
with my husband and friends. Don’t forget, this was also the first time my
husband were living together, so I was so upset that I was going to miss a
holiday with him after we had missed dozens of holidays together before because
the majority of our courtship had been apart and long distance. But I was HOME
with him now and STILL missing out on fun events like holidays! It just wasn’t
fair! Bring on the jar pf peanut butter and a spoon, but a small spoon, I don’t
want to go overboard…

I blamed the diet for being too hard to follow and then I
blamed the Navy for contributing an unhappy marriage because of my watch
schedule. I was gaining weight and I was always feeling out of control because
I was trying to control things that I simply could not control. I was soon
introduced to Life Coaching and the model I now teach and then my life changed
forever. I am much happier now.

The first thing I learned was that there will always be
circumstances in my life that I cannot control. Trying to control circumstances
is like trying to grab a handful of fire – it’s impossible and you’re left
burned and wasting time nursing your wounds back to health. But I kept doing
this over and over and, eventually, I foresaw depression in my future because
all I could see what me getting burned every time I tried to preempt or control
certain things.

A circumstance is something in our life that is simply a fact
and completely neutral. Something everyone can agree on and that cannot be
changed. I like to tell my clients that the weather is a circumstance in our
life. You can’t control the temperature outside. Other people and our past are
also circumstances in our life. What someone said, either to you or about you
or about themselves, is another circumstance – everyone heard what they said
and it’s done.

Our diet, which is that piece of paper we printed out or the
email we got from a fitness website or whatever, is simply a piece of
information. It’s words that are printed in a list or subjects with different
foods listed. The watch bill that I would get every month was also a
circumstance in my life. It was just a piece of paper with my name on it under
certain days of the week. I would get angry at that watch bill EVERY single
time, so I attributed the watch bill (and its coordinator, lol) as a source or pain.
Same with the diet I would print out every month – it always left me feeling
deprived and unhappy. But it’s never, ever the circumstances in your life that
make you feel anything. It’s always, 100% every time, your THOUGHTS about each
circumstance that determines how you will feel.

And everything we do in life is based on how we think
it’s going to make us feel.

There is science to back this up, not to mention every
experience we’ve had growing up that got us to where we are today.

Circumstances, like the weather, are the same for everyone.
What each person thinks about the circumstance, however, is where things
change. For example, I think the 49 degree weather outside is cold, but to
someone else say, from Alaska, they think that temperature is warm. Same
temperature, 49 degrees, but our thoughts, or opinions, are different.

My diet, for example, may have been the same for someone
else who printed it out, but whereas I thought the diet left me feeling
deprived and unhappy, another person could have thought something completely
differently. They might have been beyond happy to get chicken, rice and broccoli
because they absolutely love chicken. Someone on my watch team would not have
felt anger or resentment towards the watch bill because they like having a set
schedule no matter what the schedule looks like.

You see, we always have an opinion on the circumstances in
our life. And the most important thing to realize is that our thoughts are
completely optional. They are our own thoughts and we can think whatever we
want. Especially because our thoughts always determine how we will feel. How
YOU will feel, not anyone else. We all have our own thoughts that create our
own feelings. A thought begins in our brain and a rush of chemicals is created
that courses through our body. We experience those chemicals as FEELINGS.
That’s how we experience every single moment in our LIFE. When we feel cold
because it’s 49 degrees outside, our brain thinks it’s “cold” and all our
memories and recognition of what we made cold mean to us in the past course
through our body and makes us shiver. Our skin gathers into goosebumps, a rush
of cold brushes our scalp, and we grit our teeth. At least, that’s how I feel
and experience “cold.”

So, when it comes to weight loss or to the watch bill or to
your upcoming advancement exam or whatever… what are you feeling about them?
What feelings come up when you look at the diet you printed out? When you can
name that feeling, then you can ask yourself what you’re thinking. Your
thoughts will always, always, ALWAYS create your feelings. Facts in
life never create your feelings.
Your thoughts about circumstances do.
Every time. So ask yourself what you’re feeling and then you’ll find out
what you’re thinking about your diet. If you’re not feeling good because you
have negative thoughts about your diet, then ask yourself why. That is such an
important question to always ask ourselves. Ask yourself why you’re feeling
deprived or angry when you think about your diet. Then, ask yourself how you
want to feel. If you want to feel comfortable, content, and satiated, for
example, then you can ask yourself that you would have to think in order to
feel that way. That’s the secret. Knowing you have the power at any time and at
all times to choose how you want to think and, therefore, feel about anything
in your life.

I used to feel so deprived from my thoughts about my diet.
Deprivation felt so terrible and hollow inside me that I would binge to the
point of physical pain in order to “fill” that emptiness I felt. When I
realized that I could view my diet as something other than a “fun-killer,” my
feelings and actions began to change. I would look at my printed out diet plan
and I would ask myself what I really want to think of it instead. Why did I go
on this diet in the first place? What can I create for myself if I see this all
the way through? How do I want to feel about the changes I want to make?

Ask yourself good questions and remember that you can think
anything you want. That is your right as a human being on this planet. You
don’t have to stay stuck in recycled thoughts that aren’t getting you the results
you want. Change your thoughts so that you’ll feel differently. This will begin
to make a huge difference for you when you see how much power you have in your
own life.

The focus behind my work is to get you to your natural body
weight by eating only what your body needs. But I don’t give you a nutrition or
workout plan because you need to know what your body needs specifically.
There’s only one way to do that, and that is by eating clean foods and knowing
how to work through the emotions and thoughts that come up when you want to eat
something that won’t help your weight loss. That’s where I come in. It will
never matter what diet you go on if you don’t know how to manage your thoughts
and emotions. Learning how to manage your thoughts and emotions now is the way
to ensure you don’t diet for the rest of your life. It can be done. You can do
anything you set your mind to. You just have to decide and commit and know that
you’ll be perfectly OK.

Believe that you can do amazing things for yourself and your
weight. I know you can.

~ Nicole

📩 Contact me for more
information on:

Weight Loss for Military Women

Life After The Diet

Life Coaching

nicole@nicoleterweycoaching.com

How to Stop Overeating

There are two reasons why we overeat:

Overhunger

Overdesire

In order to stop overeating, then you have to stop eating more than your body needs for fuel.

That’s it.

So how do you know what “food fuel” actually is? And how do you avoid feeling disdainful when you see “food as fuel” and think that you have to remove enjoyment from food? We all have a pretty good idea what kinds of food our body needs in order to keep us alive, help us move well, help us think, eat, breathe, digest, and laugh. We’ve eaten these foods for years – proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vegetables, and chocolate. I’m kidding about chocolate, but for some it might as well be its own food group.

True story: When I was still dating my husband, I used to buy a large Hershey almond bar every weekend I drove to visit him when we were both stationed in Washington State. I thought I “needed” energy to help me finish the drive, and sugar and chocolate would keep me awake. I did this nearly twice a weekend for three weekends every month. No wonder I steadily gained weight over the months and years, among my other stellar food choices that the excitement of dating brings.

Some of these macronutrients (proteins, carbs and fats) have more vitamins, minerals and antioxidants than others, but for the most part, a healthy serving of each of these throughout the day makes our body happy and functioning properly.

But where’s the fun in that? “Functioning properly” doesn’t sound enticing or exciting, especially at weddings, college reunions, family dinners, or a even on a random Thursday night when it’s been a long day at work and ice cream appeals to us as fuel more than some vegetables and protein would.

Overhunger

Eating when you’re hungry is normal. It’s a good sign that your body is running the way it’s supposed to. Eating more than your body needs is where we run into problems. Also, eating less than your body needs is – as in, referring to the extreme in the form of anorexia – can be problematic, but right now I’m discussing eating too much food.

How do you solve for overhunger? Basically, how do you not eat when you’re hungry while trying to lose weight?

#1: You need to have a goal.

#2: You need to have a protocol to follow. A diet plan, a nutrition program, anything that provides you with the nutrients you need in order to reach your goal. You can call it a diet or not, it’s up to you. The most important thing is that it has to be something that you can maintain for life.

Think about it. If you’re trying to lose weight and go on a diet for 8 weeks of eating only sweet potatoes (it’s a real thing, believe it or not), at the end of the 8 weeks, you are not going to maintain the body you worked so hard to get to once you reintroduce other foods into your diet. And you need other food besides sweet potatoes; otherwise your body will become dysfunctional slowly and surely.

#3: You need to stick with it.

Discipline and delayed gratification are part of the process. They are some of the best qualities we can develop when it comes to ANY goal we want to achieve. It can be hard to do when dieting because we need to eat food to survive. You don’t need to finish that college paper no matter how disciplined you are. You really don’t. But applying the discipline and delaying partying with your friends ensured that 1.) The paper was done and 2.) You practiced discipline and learned how to get better at doing hard things.

You also need discipline and a plan when temptations come around the corner and when stresses in life start piling up.

Enter how to solve for Overdesire.

Overdesire

Ultimately, we want to reduce the desire for overeating.

You have a goal and a diet plan. If you follow your program, you will reach your goal.

There is a reason weight loss is called a process. That word does not need to be scary or hard. You are training your body and your brain to eat for function. The body physically understands this and doesn’t care how “tasty” or “delicious” or “soft and moist” a food is. It just needs fuel.

Our brain, on the other hand, is a little harder to train. You have to change the way it USED to think about food while adapting it to a NEW way of viewing food.

Tasty vs. fuel.

Fun vs. fuel.

Grandma’s way vs. fuel

A new way you haven’t practiced before, mind you, so it’s hard to see an end result for something you seem to know nothing about.

You also have to give your brain and body TIME to adapt and change to eating in a way that fulfills your goals. Many, many, many people give up on diets because they don’t see results fast enough. Truth is, they may not have followed their protocol 100% nor did they give their body enough time to physically adjust.

Also, urges and cravings and answering them every time keep us from reaching our goals. The thing is, urges and cravings are feelings – they’re just suggestions to eat. As urgent as they seem, as authoritative as they pretend to be, we don’t have to answer to them.

You know this because you’ve used will power and discipline and delayed gratification before and they’ve worked. But after a while, you cave and give in, and sometimes that submission lasts for a few more days or weeks and, eventually, you’ve completely sabotaged the progress you were making.

Here’s some more truth: NOT giving in to urges is also a process that takes time. It is possible to not answer to an urge, and that is based on what you’re thinking about the urge. Sometimes we overeat as a way of resisting or avoiding it. It’s actually by ALLOWING the urge to pass, allowing the feeling to be felt, where we have the power to make the greatest changes.

A lot of us ignore these feelings and think that it’s our body telling us to eat… That urges are natural, even when spooning almond butter out of the jar seems to be a “normal” way of answering an urge.

Solve for overhunger and overdesire and you’ll reach any goal you set out to reach. Each of these CAN be solved if you’re willing to stay true to the goal you desire to reach.

If you would like to find a way to stay on your food protocol and solve for overdesire and overhunger, then let’s work together and find a way to reach your goal. It is possible, and I can help you get there.

I will teach you the model that will show you how to shape your mind and your body.Email me at ​nicoleterwey@gmail.com and let’s see how we can work together.